Irony and chaos

Ok...its a little bit ironic that whenever I get stuck on an English assignment I immediately run here. I realize I hate writing to be graded...to be judged...to be condemned...but really...its a bit funny (especially today...the assignment is to assess my personal writing style).

Today was the first day of school. I will not lie and say it went great...but it went ok. His world was momentarily derailed by the sight of her strolling through the sub. And as the train jumped off the tracks, I felt but a passenger along for the ride. It isn't as bad as it once was...and what right to I have to be angry. After all, am I not guilty of the same exact thing. But as my frustration mounted...I searched for a meaning behind it all. I realize every one has his own history. And in some cases I manifest that history. But in certain cases the destruction evident in anothers eyes when face to face with who they used to be is enough to bring me to my knees.

Summer was good, it is over too fast. I had a good time down in Texas with family. And to my joy my uncle is doing much better, at least for now. The four day trip to the Tetons was wonderful. I thought I'd seen mountains...turns out I was wrong. They are SPECTACULAR!! And I think the whole experience of spending 4 days with just one other person was a good one. But as summer fell to a close last night...I realized there are so many big questions that still need to be answered...so much I am unsure about...so much I don't completely understand. And sadly I don't know how to make it make sense. Its not even that I am worried about it, it is just annoying to have that dull ache in my head that indicates that so much is yet to be determined. How do I make decisions in light of what I know...and more pressing how do I make them in light of all the things I don't?

Which brings me back to that look of destruction in anothers eyes...what do I take from that? We are all human...even if we don't care to admit it...we hurt...and some scars never completely heal...and maybe its for the better. If all wounds created in love healed completely the recklessly we would give our hearts without discretion and without reservation...and oh what chaos that would create.