Trains and Tracks

"I can see that you are scared...but don't let that fear cloud your vision." (One Tree Hill)

To say that I am anything other than scared right now would be a discredit to my current emotional state. There are moments that define...that shape...that change. And I am on the brink of one of those changes. Have I done all that I can to be ready for it? Maybe-I have studied, I have reviewed, I have practiced, and tomorrow I will do my best. But, as has happened on other rare occasions, I am wondering if my best will be good enough. The test will take 3 1/2 hours...but its ramifications could last far longer. I could take it again in December, and if tomorrow doesn't go well...I will. But I'd rather not. And I realize that I can not base life on what I would rather do or rather not do, but at 21, it seems like this life should be based on what I want. And I want this-I do.

Yet when I stare at the clock...counting down the minutes until tomorrow...I see the ride I have taken thus far and its possible abrupt end. The track I am on could be the track my future is set to...or my life could take a completely different turn. But At the end of tomorrow I want to have options. I want the ability to go the direction I want...simply because I can. And if I keep on track tomorrow that option is mine.

The pencils are sharpened, the highlighter is ready....the rest is up to fate.