Give and Take

"If wishes were horses and beggars could ride-then the world would be drown in an ocean of pride."

I have never truly understood the meaning of that little ditty, but what can I say tonight it just fit.

So I have been wrestling with a concept brought up by a stranger at a bar last Friday night for the past few days. After introducing himself, thinking my name was Kimbra, then deciding I was Australian (which lead to an awkward interlude of Irish accents), he began to discuss working in the kitchen at Famous Dave's. He brought up the fact that it was interesting to watch people he liked, and even got along with, go through their lives, because he only saw such a small snippet of their day. And I was struck-how much do we ever know about another person's day or what they are going through? I mean unless we wake up next to them, or down the hall, and the 12-16 hours later lay down next to them-how much do we really see? We see only what they want us to see...we know only what they want us to know. And yet through these brief and fleeting interactions, we form relationships...lifetime friends, enemies, and even romantic interests. So, is it better to know more, or less? I can't decide. With what has been falling around me these past few weeks, I'd tend to error on the side of less. Yes you may put your foot in your mouth, but on balance, the less we know of someones personal life, the easier it may be to cope when they leave.

Relationships are a balance of give and take. And in a few areas in particular, I have recently been giving...with no real chance to take in return. So, as I tend to do, I rationalize away the problem...I chalk it up to transference (after all my point was completely missed and another's hammered home in its place).

I remember the last time I felt this lost, this helpless-standing knee deep in the Pacific, waves lapping at my ankles, wondering what I had done that lead me here. That was Christmas break freshman year. I would like to think that I have grown in the past four years. Thus, I know that despite the ache in my chest...I will move on and move through. What choice do I have? Each aspect of life will unfold when it is meant to. Forgiveness will find its way to those who truly need it. But at the end of the day...there is nothing to do but walk on.