On Loss...

From Where You Are
-Lifehouse

So far away from where you are
These miles have torn us world's apart
And I miss you
Yeah, I miss you

So far away from where you are
I'm standing underneath the stars
And I wish you were here

I miss the years that were erased
I miss the way the sunshine would light up your face
I miss all the little things
I never thought that they'd mean everything to me

Yeah I miss you
And I wish you were here

I feel the beating of your heart
I see the shadows of your face
Just know that wherever you are
Yeah, I miss you
And I wish you were here

I miss the years that were erased
I miss the way the sunshine would light up your face
I miss all the little things
I never thought that they'd mean everything to me

Yeah, I miss you
And I wish you were here

So far away from where you are
These miles have torn us world's apart
And I miss you
Yeah, I miss you
And I wish you were here

It has been a rough month and a half. Graduation was just the beginning. The day after the pomp and circumstance-my Dad's brother-in-law lost his life after a three year battle with cancer. So two days later I found myself on a plane to Virginia for a week of family time, support, and grieving. It was wonderful to see the family, but difficult due to the loss we all
faced. My uncle Tony will be forever greatly missed.

One month and one day later, I got the call while at work, and within 24 hours was once again on a flight to Texas. This time to honor the life of my uncle Andy. It is hard to explain how I have been feeling. The emotional rollercoaster that hasbeen my life for the past several weeks has left me, for lack of a better explanation, emotionally flat lining. Sure I get excited, frustrated, mad, stressed,etc...but it doesn't last...and its not true feeling. More like fleeting brushes of emotion that leave me a bit tired and seeking cover. Not that that makes any sense. It is strange. I have always bounced to my emotions for the solution,the correct (or incorrect action) and my heart has always been my guide. But now,its hard to get an accurate signal.

It is hard now to put what I feel into words. I can’t even begin to describe what I have been feeling lately. A bit lost…a bit confused…and a whole hell of a lot of sad could be a definite place to start. I have never been all that good at dealing with loss. So I have been doing my best this time around to go on living how they taught me to live…a bit ironic I think…a month and a half out of college and the lessons still continue.

The World Cup, as always, has offered the best solace I know…and to be honest it is making me miss kicking the ball around….I think that will be remedied soon…in the next few days I hope.